I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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