Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
