Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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