my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
