The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want a musical about memes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
