someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
its liver damage thursday
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
