she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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