i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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