just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize