david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
