she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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