After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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