her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
