I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
