saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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