Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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