She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
