they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
