I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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