Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
