Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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