I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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