What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
