I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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