So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
