Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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