You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just puked most of my soul out..
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