This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
