Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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