My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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