she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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