There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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