it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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