i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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