If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
