Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
