currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
