I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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