What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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