Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
