Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
