I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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