the condom got lost in my hair
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
