Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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