Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
