party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Are we still banned from the library?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
