im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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