gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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