what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
