wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
