I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
