I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
