Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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